Letters to the Upparwalla!

61

June 15, 2010 by Preeks

(Wow! BlogAdda made my day! 🙂 )

Prologue: I have been SO so SO so lazy, busy and blank, that I stopped writing posts altogether. But then, on reflection, I thought I owed this one to the unseen forces above. Hence, this post!

LETTER #1

To
The Gods Above,
1, “All Roads Lead to Heaven” Road,
Heaven – 000000

15.06.2010

From
UnFaithful Earthling
Somewhere on Earth – Does the pin code matter?

Sir/Ma’am,
SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered

            This is to bring to your kind attention, the highly unsatisfactory services being rendered to me, not at all in keeping with the Contract signed during my release to the Earth. Further, I wish to register a complaint regarding the following key issues:

  1. Interaction With Irritating People: According to Clause 4 of my Contract which you have also signed, it was mutually agreed by both parties, that during my peaceful stay on Earth, my interaction with irritating people would be kept to as minimum as possible. However, this clause has been brutally violated. Please find evidence of me pulling of my hair, attached in Appendix A.
  2. Work: According to Clause 1(A), the very first clause of my Contract, I cannot be subjected to any kinds of work. It was agreed and signed upon, that my means of “Earning” my living would be through extensive Traveling, photography, writing random blogs, talking incessantly, watching shows on TV, reading books and writing reviews of stupid movies. It was also mentioned that if possible, you would be using your influence to earn me a job on a Travel channel like Travel and Living or Good Times. Need I even mention what a blatant and gross breach of my contract has taken place in this case, considering where I am writing this letter from? (Read Office) Attached in Appendix B – proof that I am proficient at all the above mentioned activities.
  3. English Speaking: According to Clause 10, it was made amply clear in written terms that English would be my medium of communication. It was also added as a Sub-Claus, considering that I would be speaking English for at least 95% of my life, my right to judge people on the basis of English would be justified and also, that this behavior of mine, would not be used against me in any manner, especially on the pretext of “Bad Karma”. Why, may I ask, have you ignored this Clause so openly?

There are several more issues, but for starters, I think we should work on these. I would be obliged if you could reply back ASAP.

Looking forward to your reply,
Yours faithfully,
You Know Me.

LETTER #2
Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
Dear Sir/Ma’am
      Clearly, you did not receive my earlier letter. Please find attached the Courier Receipt. I would be obliged if you could track it down and revert back to me ASAP.

Looking forward to your reply,
Yours faithfully,

You Know Me.

      
LETTER #3
Re: Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
Dear Sir (You can’t possibly be Ma’am. So callous?)
      So, I tracked down the receipt and it turns out, you did after all, receive the courier on the same day itself, and in fact you signed it personally before receiving it. That’s okay. No hard feelings. Kindly look into the matter ASAP.

Desperately Looking forward to your reply,
Yours faithfully,
By now, You most definitely Know Me.

LETTER #4
Re: Re: Re: Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
For All I Care
        I assume your lack of response was due to the heavy number of complaints you handle everyday. It is justified and I am waiting patiently. But, in the meantime, I have decided to try out some reverse psychology on you. I am taking off this weekend to try out a temporary Sanyas, only to please you. During this period, I will be locked in a room (with AC), with access to Internet and TV only. I will eat nothing except for the gourmet food that will be ordered or made for me. I will bear it all, to please you. Please make a note of my loyalty to you.

Waiting.. Lalalalala…
Muhahahaaa! 😀
Me.

LETTER #5
Re: Re: Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
Dear Someone Up There

        The Sanyas would have worked if people around me had not stopped me half way through it. But it’s okay. Perseverance was a quality you personally inserted in my ROM.  I am already thinking of other ways of pleasing you. In the meantime, kindly consider my letter seriously.

Whatever.

Sigh.

Me.

Epilogue:Still waiting for concrete action.

Signing out,
Me!

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61 thoughts on “Letters to the Upparwalla!

  1. rechristened says:

    Oh, my naive little girl 🙂

    Like

  2. Preeti says:

    @rechristened: 😀

    Like

  3. Sundararajan says:

    I really enjoyed it. Next to whom?

    a href=”http://www.workathomeforum.in”> Work At Home In India Like

  4. Richa Sharma says:

    Hi Preeti,

    We, Delhi Blog-a-ton members are meeting on 4th July in Connaught place on the occasion of B-A-T first anniversary.
    Would you like to join in?

    You can write to me at:
    er.richa.sharma@gmail.com

    For more details:
    http://blog-a-ton.blogspot.com/2010/06/blog-ton-meet-in-full-swing-contact.html

    Like

  5. Bedazzled says:

    delightful post !!!u are one funny lady ..

    Like

  6. Preeti says:

    @Bedazzled: Thanks! :h 😮

    Like

  7. Dear UnFaithful Earthling,

    Did you not read clause 579?? Which clearly stated that I have supreme authority and can change any clause as I see fit? Well I did see fit so changed clause to suite me. It is so much fun to watch you earthlings to dance to my every whim. :s

    Thanks for waiting for the response.
    The God Above

    PS: let it be a lesson to you, to not sign any contract without reading it fully :k

    Like

  8. Preeti says:

    @Comfy Bhagwan:
    Getting back at you for this. Consulting my lawyers and thinking of suiing “The God Above” for this. You lured me with chocolates before making me sign the contract. That's just illegal.
    You wait! :c

    Like

  9. absolutely amazing stuff……i guess uparwallah wud have been pretty embarresed abt it wen he actually reads it….

    Like

  10. Preeti says:

    @Abhishek: Hehee! :c
    Yeah. Hope so. :i

    Like

  11. Mayank says:

    Loved reading it.
    the frustration is apparent 😛
    Did you get a reply? 😛

    Like

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