June 12, 2012 by Preeks
Frankly, I don’t think the HR does enough to make young new joinees comfortable in office. I mean, here we are, fresh out of the whole Life-Is-Awesome-Friends-Are-Awesome-Who-Cares philosophy. The least companies can do is accommodate us for who we are, initially and then gradually mould us into corporate slaves.
Like I said, I am no genius. But I did think about this on a long Metro journey and came up with a policy manual for HR to handle new joinees or Emptees or MTs or Management Trainees as they are popularly called.
Warning: I have not taken up a single HR Elective. What I write about is my natural flair at being Human Resource-ey. 😉
Office Timings: You are allowed to enter office at any time of your preference. On days when you have a night-out with friends, you are allowed to come to office and go straight away to the cafeteria to have lunch. After lunch, you must proceed, without any delay, to the dormitory and sleep for 1 hour, before you indulge yourself in serious work. The quality of work MUST NOT, under any circumstances, suffer because of your activities outside of workplace. So, sleep it off.
Attendance System: The system of PROXIES allows you to mark the attendance for your fellow colleagues in case they are absent. However, it is important for you to have a mutual understanding with them, so that your attendance does not suffer on days when you get up with that Where-Is-My-Life-Headed feeling.
Presence in Office: After attendance, you may leave from the back entrance when the
ProfessorManager is not looking. Please be back by evening to Swipe out of the system in time, so that you are not marked absent. Or arrange for a Proxy partner?
IT Policy: Downloading Torrents on your system is NOT allowed. There is an additional laptop issued in the name of MT_Dark_Knight_Returns. Use that laptop to download torrents and store everything on the specially allocated 1 TB server. It is important to inform the whole MT Batch about new downloads so that everyone may be adequately armed to take advantage.
IT Policy (Contd): By all means, use Facebook in office. In every post, make sure you praise the company, its policies, the people and the salary. The brand equity of the company must rise in the next batch of Management Trainees.
Work Policy: Since we have been very accommodating to all your whims and fancies, you better work your asses off and meet your targets. Otherwise, there is always the option of, you know, going back to college?