If Wishes were Horses!

39

December 13, 2010 by Preeks

In my humble opinion, there are two types of wishes that do not get fulfilled. Type 1 consists of those wishes which resemble the weekly shopping lists of the Ambani wives. Something to the effect of:

1. Withdraw $1 Million from ATM
2. Yacht  – 1/2 nos. (Depending on availability) – Pink
3. Mansion – 1 nos. – 27 storey (With servants)
4. Change for $10,000 note – Urgent
5. Merc – 1 nos. – (Anything but Black, white, silver, red – Have those)
6. Charity for photo-op

We will not discuss these type of wishes because of fears of privacy infringement. We don’t want tomorrow’s headline to look like this:

“Young, pretty Blogger sued for million dollars by Ambanis for publishing private diary entries. Forced to close down blog.”

The Million dollars I can part with, but the blog is too precious. 😉

That brings me to Type 2 of unfulfilled wishes. These are the wishes which pertain to your inherent being, things which can never change about you, things which are innate to you. And those are the wishes which we are listing down today, if not for anything else, then just to remind Santa why I should be compensated well!

So here’s my wish list of never-to-be-fulfilled wishes:

1. I wish I could cry more gracefully. Seriously. The other night, I saw Sonali Bendre cry on some reality show on TV, when a little promiscuous kid sang Meri Maa, as the ritual tear-inducing, vote-grabbing performance. Would you believe it if I said, she looked normal while crying? Silently swishing away those big big tears and looking absolutely the same? You would probably believe it because you are not me. When I cry, even so much as a small snivel or an emotional sniff, my face turns into a bright combination of pink and red, my nose looks like the joker’s bulbed nose and my eyes look bloodshot. I am not kidding. Even when I cry during the last scene of Notting Hill. Most people say that looks cute, but tell me, isn’t it embarrassing when people get to know that you cry at Bidai scenes of stupid serials on Zee TV? Especially when all you do for the rest of the time is criticize these shows? Choddo yar. Tum nahi samjhoge. Suffice to know that I wish I could cry like Sonali Bendre. Period.
2. I wish I could catch lies. But obvious, inspired by Cal Lightman from Lie to Me. He has no idea the extent to which I can be mislead by lies. Na-uh. If he did, he would take me under his wings for special training, not so that he could get a new assistant but simply as charity for a simpleton. That bad. Sample this. An auto driver charged me 50 bucks for a 20 bucks ride, by convincing me that there was an auto-rickshaw strike that day and that he was my soul bearer to take me anywhere. I believed him. Just like that. Like a village bumpkin, who has never read the newspaper and has no idea of what’s happening around. I need Cal Lightman. Desperately.
3. I wish my yawn was not that big. When I was in Class 7, an English teacher, in the midst of a lesson, suddenly commented, “Have you ever seen a hippopotamus yawn?” Other kids were lost. But I knew what she was talking about, because next thing you know, she winked at me. Sigh. To make matters worse, I get bored so easily, I could easily give a Kindergarten kid competition in terms of attention span. It’s bad. Also, I think there is a slight mismatch in the size of my tear glands and the size of my mouth. Every time I yawn, I end up with tears in my eyes! And when I cry, I look like…umm. I think I already told you that. Please refer to point 1 for the rest of the vicious circle.
4. I wish cheeky comments wouldn’t run in my head as subtitles. Does this happen to anyone else or am I the only privileged one? It is SO tough to sit through serious meetings without bursting into a giggle! While that is very entertaining, it’s very distracting too. Kidding me is not. I could make a whole comic strip out of a single meeting. Oh wait. I think I already did that once.
5. I wish I knew how to sleep with me eyes open.This is one of those skills necessary to survive in the big bad world. It is achievable, I know. But there’s a catch-22 situation here! Where do you practise? Practise in meetings and risk getting caught? Practise during boring conversations and risk losing acquaintances? This one needs more thought. I am open to ideas and suggestions. Just saying.

So that’s that. My unfulfilled wish list that will never get fulfilled. Like they say, dil hai chota sa, choti si asha.

In other news, it is so cold today! Boo. Feel the urge to gorge on piping hot jalebis. I’ll go make arrangements for that. You have a fun week ahead, wokay?

Signing out,

PS: I also just re-discovered Raghu Dixit and the awesomeness that his music is! Do spend a couple of minutes to listen to his songs today. You won’t regret it!