If Wishes were Horses!

39

December 13, 2010 by Preeks

In my humble opinion, there are two types of wishes that do not get fulfilled. Type 1 consists of those wishes which resemble the weekly shopping lists of the Ambani wives. Something to the effect of:
  1. Withdraw $1 Million from ATM
  2. Yacht  – 1/2 nos. (Depending on availability) – Pink
  3. Mansion – 1 nos. – 27 storey (With servants)
  4. Change for $10,000 note – Urgent
  5. Merc – 1 nos. – (Anything but Black, white, silver, red – Have those)
  6. Charity for photo-op
We will not discuss these type of wishes because of fears of privacy infringement. We don’t want tomorrow’s headline to look like this:
Young, pretty Blogger sued for million dollars by Ambanis for publishing private diary entries. Forced to close down blog.”
The Million dollars I can part with, but the blog is too precious. 😉
That brings me to Type 2 of unfulfilled wishes. These are the wishes which pertain to your inherent being, things which can never change about you, things which are innate to you. And those are the wishes which we are listing down today, if not for anything else, then just to remind Santa why I should be compensated well!
So here’s my wish list of never-to-be-fulfilled wishes:
  1. I wish I could cry more gracefully. Seriously. The other night, I saw Sonali Bendre cry on some reality show on TV, when a little promiscuous kid sang Meri Maa, as the ritual tear-inducing, vote-grabbing performance. Would you believe it if I said, she looked normal while crying? Silently swishing away those big big tears and looking absolutely the same? You would probably believe it because you are not me. When I cry, even so much as a small snivel or an emotional sniff, my face turns into a bright combination of pink and red, my nose looks like the joker’s bulbed nose and my eyes look bloodshot. I am not kidding. Even when I cry during the last scene of Notting Hill. Most people say that looks cute, but tell me, isn’t it embarrassing when people get to know that you cry at Bidai scenes of stupid serials on Zee TV? Especially when all you do for the rest of the time is criticize these shows? Choddo yar. Tum nahi samjhoge. Suffice to know that I wish I could cry like Sonali Bendre. Period.
  2. I wish I could catch lies. But obvious, inspired by Cal Lightman from Lie to Me. He has no idea the extent to which I can be mislead by lies. Na-uh. If he did, he would take me under his wings for special training, not so that he could get a new assistant but simply as charity for a simpleton. That bad. Sample this. An auto driver charged me 50 bucks for a 20 bucks ride, by convincing me that there was an auto-rickshaw strike that day and that he was my soul bearer to take me anywhere. I believed him. Just like that. Like a village bumpkin, who has never read the newspaper and has no idea of what’s happening around. I need Cal Lightman. Desperately.
  3. I wish my yawn was not that big. When I was in Class 7, an English teacher, in the midst of a lesson, suddenly commented, “Have you ever seen a hippopotamus yawn?” Other kids were lost. But I knew what she was talking about, because next thing you know, she winked at me. Sigh. To make matters worse, I get bored so easily, I could easily give a Kindergarten kid competition in terms of attention span. It’s bad. Also, I think there is a slight mismatch in the size of my tear glands and the size of my mouth. Every time I yawn, I end up with tears in my eyes! And when I cry, I look like…umm. I think I already told you that. Please refer to point 1 for the rest of the vicious circle.
  4. I wish cheeky comments wouldn’t run in my head as subtitles. Does this happen to anyone else or am I the only privileged one? It is SO tough to sit through serious meetings without bursting into a giggle! While that is very entertaining, it’s very distracting too. Kidding me is not. I could make a whole comic strip out of a single meeting. Oh wait. I think I already did that once.
  5. I wish I knew how to sleep with me eyes open.This is one of those skills necessary to survive in the big bad world. It is achievable, I know. But there’s a catch-22 situation here! Where do you practise? Practise in meetings and risk getting caught? Practise during boring conversations and risk losing acquaintances? This one needs more thought. I am open to ideas and suggestions. Just saying.
    So that’s that. My unfulfilled wish list that will never get fulfilled. Like they say, dil hai chota sa, choti si asha.

    In other news, it is so cold today! Boo. Feel the urge to gorge on piping hot jalebis. I’ll go make arrangements for that. You have a fun week ahead, wokay?

    Signing out,

    PS: I also just re-discovered Raghu Dixit and the awesomeness that his music is! Do spend a couple of minutes to listen to his songs today. You won’t regret it!

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    39 thoughts on “If Wishes were Horses!

    1. You are too cute! i can't stop laughing at the pink yatches.

      Quick question – does the below wish fall under Ambani wife or never to be fulfilled.

      To have my meagre salary credited into my account every month without me having to come to this cruel place called work

      Like

    2. Wildflower says:

      LOL @ point # 1. Feeling sad watching the pathetic things they pass off in the name of entertianment when at the other times i actually laugh at them! “:c”

      Like

    3. Raksha Bhat says:

      point 1 tops my list too…I double like this post:)

      Like

    4. Harini says:

      hahaha! Mail me the type 1 list. I m so interested to know the lives of Ambanis and all :P. I wish few things off your list too. But I kinda achieved sleeping with eyes open task :P.

      Like

    5. Preeti says:

      @Nuttie: :h Thanks! :a
      Arrey, of course your little wish falls into Type 2. Duh. The Ambanis do not work! It's people like you and me who have to work for people like Ambanis. Life. Sigh.

      Like

    6. Preeti says:

      @Wildflower: :c
      I always laugh at them! But bidaai scenes make me cry!

      Like

    7. Preeti says:

      @Raksha: Finally. Someone who gets it!
      Thanks! Welcome here! :a

      Like

    8. Preeti says:

      @Harini: Done. I'll mail you the list, and you mail me tips for successfully sleeping with eyes open! :i :a

      Like

    9. LOL at the yawn anecdote 😀
      Same pinch on the subtitles!

      Like

    10. Preeti says:

      @Celestialrays: Yeah. Even I laugh now, but it was quite traumatizing for the 12 year old me! :c
      And oh good, you have subtitles too? How do you deal with it? Any good nuskas, etc.?

      Like

    11. DI says:

      Muhahahahah! Ok you have me laughing out really loud :c :c
      Oh, btw, I cried one sad splitsvilla contestant was eliminated, and her boyfriend was sad, and they had the agnee theme in the background. I think I deserve an award for that :j
      Ooh, and subtitles, for me it's actually a voice, with complete smirk sounds, and emotions! Gah! :i

      Like

    12. S says:

      oooo..talking about crying gracefully u atleast don't make sounds while crying..how abt a twisted red-pink face accompanied by a dramatic boohooohooohooo and loud sobs! ..while watching shah rukh khan die in movies..am the butt of all jokes in the family 😮

      Like

    13. Preeti says:

      @DI: Ohk. You do deserve an award for that! But I think I also cried once for a Spitsvilla elimination. I think.
      Glad to know I have company for this subtitles thing. So, what do you do about this? Any way to handle it gracefully? :j

      Like

    14. Preeti says:

      @S: That sounds bad. :c 😮
      I feel better now, thanks! :a

      Like

    15. ajay says:

      Ahahaha! That newspaper headline is just so cute. :a You talking about crying gracefully? I think I can count the number of times I'd have cried in my whole life. Tears just don't come to my eyes, so I envy you in that. And about catching lies, I've fooled many a times by sabjiwallahs. Nice, a trademark post of yours this was. Me liked it. :a

      Like

    16. Shivani says:

      ur last point is price less! if only i could perfect that art my image here would so improve and the profs wudnt treat me like the brainless twit that i sometimes come across as and i wouldnt treat their lectures with hopeless disregards that monotonous data overload is!
      haha
      enjoy the hot jalebis while i enjoy the lack of winter here..hihahaha!
      c ya!

      Like

    17. Lol..if you learn any of this please tell us how to learn all of those.. :i

      Send me the list 1 please 😮

      Like

    18. Roshmi Sinha says:

      :c :c :c

      Good to see you blogging regularly… somewhat regularly, that is 🙂

      … You have the ability to poke fun at yourself… plus you find humour in normal everyday things/events. This makes your posts sooo very enjoyable. Keep them coming!

      Like

    19. Ramya says:

      Wow, that teacher was mean, wasn't she!

      Oh, and I heart Cal Lightman! 🙂

      Like

    20. Preeti says:

      @Ajay: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed! :a
      You are a boy. Men don't cry, remember? :c

      Like

    21. Preeti says:

      @Shivani: Girl, I am counting on you for the last point. You have ample amounts of practise in all those classes. At the cost of looking like a twit, please master the art and I promise you, I'll be the best disciple you'll ever get! :c :c
      Arrey, no winter there kya? Come home for a vacation. We'll meet! :a

      Like

    22. Preeti says:

      @Comfy: List 1 ki demand zyada hai from what I can see. Will have to do something about that! :c

      Like

    23. Preeti says:

      @Roshmi: Yeah! This is regular. Come on! :a
      And thanks! Glad you enjoyed! :a

      Like

    24. Preeti says:

      @Ramya: Yeah, well. She had a point. And a way with words! :a
      I do remember feeling very hurt by her comment back then. Now it sounds funny to me! :a
      Goodie! Another Cal fan! Any idea when the next season airs? :e

      Like

    25. Tanishka... says:

      I too wish I could cry a little gracefully without screaming and turning red…. And as far as sleeping with open eyes goes, try attending a few MBA lectures… They might not teach you anything else but you learn to master this art their… 😀

      Like

    26. Preeti says:

      @Tanishka: Hmm. Lectures was what I had in mind too! :c

      Like

    27. Rajlakshmi says:

      //I wish I could catch lies// I so wish i could do that…
      //I wish I knew how to sleep with me eyes open.This // get a dolphin… it might teach you 😛
      quite a list you have 😛

      Like

    28. Bikramjit says:

      Nice cute little wishes .. its not much you asked for .. ok heres wishing all ur dreams come true 🙂

      I actually wish i had a big lawn, i got so many things to do …

      and yes from the past experiences especially this year i wish i had this ability to catch lies and liars been taken for a ride one too many times …

      Yeha i cry too told u this year has been pathetic.. so hope it ws graceful 🙂

      sleeping with eyes open hmmmmmmmm will have to try that 🙂

      Bikram's

      Like

    29. Preeti says:

      @Rajlakshmi: Good we share some wishes! :a
      Dolphins? Why? Do they do that? How cool is that!! :s
      Nice to know this little tidbit!

      Like

    30. Preeti says:

      @Bikram: Thanks! :a
      I hope this year ends on a great note for you! And the next one is fantastic, so that you don't have to cry ever! :a

      Like

    31. I learnt how to sleep with my eyes close long back in school. It's one skill I am not ready to part with.

      Like

    32. Preeti says:

      @Pepper: Lucky you! I can count the NUMBER of times I have been caught trying to do that! :f
      WIll have to learn that on an urgent basis!

      Like

    33. Neena Sharma says:

      Here's a smart blogger. Loved the wish list list!

      Like

    34. Preeti says:

      @Neena: Thanks! :a
      Much obliged! Welcome here! :a

      Like

    35. You want to be able to catch lies? I wish to be able to lie – I just can't seem to, without it being obvious to the person being lied-to :(.

      I am with you on smaller yawn, and sleeping with eyes ope. I have slept in so many lectures and meetings till date, that I have given up fighting sleep 😦

      Like

    36. Roshmi Sinha says:

      Knock! Knock!

      … Why are you back to hibernation mode… ??

      P.S. Merry Christmas!

      Like

    37. Preeti says:

      @Piyu: Same pinch! I can't lie either! :i
      Oh your yawn is big too! It's so irritating, nai? :j
      And welcome back! :a

      Like

    38. Preeti says:

      @Roshmi: Sigh. You missed me! Thanks! :h
      Slightly under the weather! Will be back soon.. :a
      Merry Christmas to you too! :a

      Like

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